ONE BAD MUTHER

Here's something really nasty I came up with for a high-lvl/high-power campaign long ago, slightly re-tooled.

The VORPION is an intelligent Gnarthropod resembling a giant scorpion, with one pincer larger than the other,  and a wicked pronged barb instead of a stinger.  It's metallic, glossy black carapace is crisscrossed with scarlet markings resembling a network of veins, and its limbs are ringed with crimson bristles.  This creature can Detect Magic, will attempt to attack Spellcasters in preference to all others, and likes to collect Magic Items... and skulls.  The larger pincer is the Crushing Claw, while the smaller is the even deadlier Vorpal Claw.  The Crusher does 2d8 damage, and once a hit is scored, damage is automatic each rnd  (Bend Bars to escape).  The Vorpal Claw does 2d6 and decapitates opponents on a natural 20 TH, and if this attack is used on a foe already in the clutches of the Crusher, only an 18 or better is req to sever the head.  Note that DEX bonus to AC is negated while in the grip of the Crusher.  The tail barb impales for 2d4, doing an auto 1d4 the next rnd as it is withdrawn.  The tail is controlled by a secondary, lesser brain, which can still function independently if the main brain is affected/influenced somehow.  Although it does not normally attack with its mandibles, it will do so if it has no other choice, for 1d4 dam.  If a head is severed, things get really creepy, as the tail barb ceases to attack and instead impales the severed head and swings it aloft like a lantern.  The head's eyes light up bloody red, and the Vorpion then employs any Mental Powers/Spells/Knowledge stored in it's memory against any remaining attackers, taunting them in the voice of their former compatriot!  (Freak 'em out: have one appear with an already skewered head, cast a nasty Spell, toss the drained head, and advance seeking another!)

# appearing; 1 for God's sake; MV 12"; AC 3; HD 7; AT 3; Crusher 2d8+ crush, Vorpy 2d6+ snip, Tail Barb 2d4+ impale; (Spell use); Size 10' long; and as if all this isn't enough, the Vorpion takes only 1HP/die of Electrical damage (no save), just 'cause; XP; your game; Treasure; see XP, but give 'em a break!

Vorpion carcasses really should be worth something on the Alchemical/Spell research market; possibly their secondary brains are used as an ingredient in some arcane brew, their eyes (four pairs of increasing size -oh, they live underground, so Infravision!) are used in Potions, barbs could be made into (possibly magical) spears, and I'm thinking their claws might be fashioned into cool-looking shields, either small or large.  (NOT Vorpal-edged shields, though!)

UPDATE:  I just figured out why my battered notes on this Party Killin Machine read "Can employ Wands, etc, but not weapons"... the original draft did not have a tail spike, but rather an oversized human-like hand, which performed the same functions as above.  It was orig created as some sort of Wizard-hunting beast...

My turn to Play, your turn to DM!

Haven't been posting; distracted by the real world, and not DMing lately.  Our group takes turns at the helm, allowing those who want to DM to do so, and ea DM has their own campaign world, so I've been kinda lax with developing Gnarth and have just been enjoying playing my favorite character in my buddy's game.*

Thinking I'm still going to post "This Week's Game" anyhow, and blog about the events from a Player's point of view.  The last session involved climbing the "Endless Stair" from the module of the same name, heavily modified from the original version, no doubt, as our current DM is notorious for altering published adventures to the point that the original is barely recognizable, yet is immediately recognizable as "Brett's Game"!  You have taught me well, my master!

Spent the entire session climbing a spiral staircase into the sky, trying to avoid/overcome traps, posted guardians, and Summoned beasties, in an attempt to reach a "planar nexus" which would allow us access to the Abyss.  I could spend a few pages detailing our efforts... but I think that the best part of This Week's Game was the Staircase itself!  Knowing that we could slip or be tossed off of the stairs to fall hundreds of feet to our deaths at any time was a real Rush!  Made us really Think, and Discuss, and Argue a bit, too!  None of this "Screw it, let's just charge 'em!" mentality.  It was a genuine Thinking Player's session, and a lot of fun, and all because of a simple change of  venue from the norm.

*Aesson the Thief is now 14th (holy crap!) level... I like to incl a "starting date" for my PCs on the Char Sheet.  At the top of Aesson's sheet it says "Summer '86."  That's Nineteen Eighty Six, kids.  ...Wow.  Happy 25th anniversary Aesson!  'Bout time you settled down with a Guild of your very own, old friend!

Well, SOME Dogs go to Heaven...

Was thinking of the Eight Million Mummified Dogs, and was reminded of Fritz Lieber's "Gods IN Lankhmar" (as opposed to the Gods OF Lankhmar), the Mummified Undead protectors who would rise and defend the city...  How about a city teeming w/cats &/or dogs, afforded the privilege of roaming free, considered sacred by the populace... a city which has stood for quite some time, partly due to the fact that, interred in the series of catacombs below, there are Eight Million Mummified Dogs...  ("Your War Dogs refuse to enter the tunnel.  Hmm?  Well, they look kinda scared, actually...")

(Oh, and dibs on "8MMD" as the name of a band, narrowly edging out long-time favorite, "The Chewy Turds")

Step Inside the Chamber, Please

Tossing around ideas for a Lovecraftian-creepy weird science laboratory dungeon, possibly the lair of Great Race or Primordials, was going to compile a list of (mostly) classic SciFi machines/technology, realized many involve "something you must enter"; Chambers, Tubes, Capsules, Booths, Vats, etc.  Padded it a bit to accommodate a d30, added some rough detailing

WEIRD SCIENCE CHAMBERS/EFFECTS (d30)
 

1. Clone-O-Matic - takes "samples" of DNA and begins growing a Simulacrum which shows up later.  Maybe it only makes a copy if the original donor dies, and the "new guy" comes walking around the corner in a state of Confusion, and can't understand why everyone seems upset to see him

2. Bacterial Spew Chamber - moist sphincter coughs up toxic cloud; Save and age is reduced 10+1d10 yrs, Fail and become terribly ill for 1d4 days

3. Probulator - restraints activate, manipulative arms extend, remove clothing/armor (possibly transfers them to locked "storage" compartment/area), body orifices are um, probed.  Unpleasant at best.

4. Orgasmatron - a strange but mostly pleasant experience, unless the machine malfunctions (%?) and becomes stuck in continuous cycle, lose 1 pt of CON/rnd for 5d4 rnds, 0 = coma, regain 1pt/hr

5. Suicide Booth - disposal of unwanted test subjects, possible selection of "Quick and Painless" or "Slow and Horrible"  (Save vs Disintegration, or take damage from variety of piercing/drilling/chopping thingys)

6. Career Chip Implantation Device - put your hand in there; the Morlocks will report you to the Primordials if you don't perform your assigned task.  "Ya gotta do what ya gotta do"

7. Astral Projectocarphagus - sends your Astral Body to some bizarre locale for predetermined stay, or until specific task is done, or item brought back

8. Potential Realizator - Gain (d4) 1d4 HP, 1 point to lowest Ability, 1 point to Primary Abil, enough XP to reach next level

9. Teleporter Pad/Pod - oldie, but still goodie

10. Cryogenic Freeze Tube - slams shut, flash freeze, readout counter says you can return to adventuring in 1d% yrs

11. Reanimator - Primordial Flesh Golem/Vat Guy factory!

12. Transmogrifier - (d4) gain additional limb/organ, gain new weird limb/organ, bizarre body proportion alteration, "ZAP, you're a Morlock"

13. Joy Can - mind-reading holographic projector fulfills your greatest desires, but its all evil.  You'll have to be dragged out by friends with metal headgear.  Fun way to explore PC motivations, and design future storylines

14. Interphasic Defragulator - caught between dimensions, you gain the benefits of Displacement (-2 AC, first strike always misses), but also suffer the effects of being Displaced (-2TH, first strike?  miss!)

15. Memory Upload Interface - gain knowledge, skill, ability, perhaps some familiarity with the odd devices here

16. Cosmetic Surgery Autodoc - performs necessary medical procedures to allow +1d4 CHAR pts, but does 1HP permanent dam in the process

17. Nanite Injector - I dunno, immunization, mental conditioning, "tracking" nanos... hmmm, "Midi-chlorians"?

18. Zero Grav Interspecies Toilet - extensive wall post of instructions in several alien languages.  If translated/comprehended somehow, contains numerous unfamiliar nouns and verbs.  Looks kinda like a shower stall; maybe you should stand in it.  Not that switch; it'll back-up and expel contents!

19. Cranial Unit Harvest, Preservation & Reattachment Bank, with Body Internment/Incineration feature - takes off yer head and attaches it to something else from the Stasis Chambers in the back, either saving your old body in stasis... or not

20. Cybernetic Limb/Organ Replacement Tank - we can make him better, stronger, faster, maybe by chopping off something and replacing it

21. Tattoo/Branding - experimental test subject indexing/identification.  Maybe something stupid will ignore you, or at least assume you shouldn't be attacked

22. The Nozzle - cybernetic "eye" on flexible tube extends and stares at PC.  Just do that.  Stare at them.  When they start to say something, interrupt and say, "Do not speak while the nozzle calibrates".  If they attempt to move, say, "Movement is not wise while the nozzle calibrates".  Just keep staring at them, and saying, "Nozzle is still calibrating" until they start to freak out.  Then the nozzle retracts without explanation.

23. Autodoc Vat - knocks you out and fixes you up.  Full HP!

24. Environmental Adaptation Capsule - modifies subject's structure in order to allow operation in dangerous/inhospitable environ; gills for underwater breathing, hairy pelt -1/die Cold damage, etc

25. Soylent Processor - basically a human-sized garbage disposal unit

26. Soylent Dispenser - organic materials from #25 are cooted forth as tiny green rosettes of edible meat by-subtances, served in corrugated paper cups

27. Time Machine - I know it wouldn't be a classic if it hadn't been done before, but this one is about tapped-out... maybe it sends you one hour into the future, and some Random Encounter is "suddenly" there waiting when you come out

28. Memory Wipe Amnesiotron - *FLASH!*  "Who are you guys?  Who am I?  Is this blood on me?!""

29. Synthetic Replicant Synthesizer - high-speed malevolent Android twin manufacture, possibly a "Terminator" model, if you're inclined

30. ROLL TWICE Combine results in bizarre fashion (no, please, not #18 + #26!)

Applicable nods, thanks, apologies, as appropriate, to Mr. Wells, Roddenberry, Kubrick, Publick, and Groenig, et al
.

The Prophecies of Gnarstrodamus

Seems that certain pages of the Gnarkotic Manuscripts have been unearthed in an ancient cave in Jordan, possibly Glyphs of Power.

70 metal books found in Jordan cave could change our view of Biblical history | Mail Online

BBC News - Today - In pictures: Biblical bounty

Oh, and you'll prob want the link to the story about the eight million mummified dogs, too

GNARTIAN FAMILIARS

Always like the idea of PC Familiars, but disliked the original PH handing of the idea. I think that any magic should come with some risk, but the familiars of 1st ed were such easy targets that the spell made no sense to me. Sure, you might (5%) get a Quasit or Pseudodragon, but you'll prob get a 2HP Toad that will die in the next Random Encounter. This version of the spell makes the arrangement a much better deal for the Familiar, which means it might actually be worth it!

THE BINDING of the FAMILIAR

A Spell of Ritual Magic which can be cast by a Wizard of any level, but only during certain alignments/phases of the moons, occurring once every 30 +1d30 days. Type of creature summoned determ randomly. All are no larger than a small house cat, of exceptional, though still animal INT, have 4 HP and AC 7. They have no offensive attacks to speak of, although they can defend themselves as a 1/2HD Monster, doing 1 or 2 HP damage. No extraordinary or magical abilities (venom, if any, is effective against very small animals only). Creature Summoned is magically bound to caster, and the two share an empathic psychic link. When the Familiar is w/in 12", the Wizard may simply concentrate in order to "see" through its eyes, "hear" through its ears, etc. Also, each adds the others' HP to their own total; so both the Familiar and the Wizard will have the Wizard's HP +4. The pair share the same AC, either the Wizard's or the Familiar's, whichever is better. Familiars are rendered immune to Mental Influence/Control, and are extraordinarily lucky, automatically making all Saving Throws. If a Familiar is killed, the Wizard loses the bonus 4 HP, and also permanently loses an additional 1d4 HP, and may not cast the Spell again for one full year.

CREATURE SUMMONED (d20)
1. Archaeopteryx

2. Big-eared Bat

3. Horned Viper

4. Beaded Lizard

5. Your Standard Rat

6. Large Centipede

7. Iridescent Mantis

8. Spider Monkey

9. Small Ocelot

10. Aye-Aye

11. Bristly Tarantula

12. Colorful Constrictor

13. Horned Chameleon

14. Pygmy Hedgehog

15. Naked, Exhibitionist Mole Rat

16-20. No creature responds

10GPgem: Be sure to assign/determine an NPC trait or two to provide a little personality.

SPELLS of the GNARKOTIC MANUSCRIPTS

CATASTROPHIC MISFORTUNE OF MALICIOUS FATE

lvl 5, cast time 5s, area effect 30' rad, 1creature
Whatever action the recipient/victim attempts on the following rnd will not only be unsuccessful, but will in fact fail in the most catastrophic and picturesque manner possible. Attacking swordsmen will not simply miss, but rather trip and impale themselves on their own blade, spellcasters attempting Fireball will have it explode in their hands, opponents using modern weapons will experience a jam/backfire, while advanced weaponry will "short out", draining all remaining charges, etc. If target is unfortunate enough to declare he is doing "nothing", a tiny micro-meteorite falls from the sky (or other improbable effect if underground, etc), unerringly striking for 1d4 damage per lvl/HD of the victim! Players using the spell may suggest potential effects, subject to DM veto/modification. DMs using the spell are encouraged to be real jerks about it!

IMPROVED MIRROR IMAGE

lvl 5, dur 2r/lvl, cast time 5s
Creates 1d4 Mirror Images, whose AC and total HP = those of the caster; if two images, ea has 1/2 of caster's HP, if three images, ea has 1/3, if four, each has 1/4.

I AM THE SLIME

lvl 6, cast time 6s, dur 1trn/lvl
Allows caster to dissolve into a pool of caustic, mobile goo, which can seep under doorways or through small cracks (3" MV), flow up walls and across ceilings, fill appropriately-sized containers, etc. The touch of the goo dissolves living tissue at a rate of 3 HP/rnd, and the Slime can extend one pseudopod/rnd (max 1/lvl), attacking as a monster of HD = to the lvl of the caster. Pseudopods which hit attach to the victim, and auto do damage ea rnd. The Slime takes 1/2 damage from cutting and thrusting attacks, and no damage from blunt weapon attacks, and retains the AC and HP of the caster.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEA6oRPSmUA&feature=related

This Week's Game - The Long Road to Ognar

Just a lot of bumpy roads and Random Encounters as the Party crosses the grasslands on their way to the Eternal City. They chose to ride with a caravan rather than purchase (admittedly expensive) mounts, which surprised me, but I think the "new" planet is freaking them out ("Excellent..."). A Wyvern did make off with a merchant from the next wagon, and since there was no way to bring down the beast before it got away, Sot Palad chose to target the unfortunate pottery vendor with a volley of Magic Missiles, killing him instantly rather than allowing him to be eaten alive by the flying horror. While opinions differed on the morality &/or advisability of this action, all agreed with a wry grin that it was the nicest thing the Wizard had ever done for a stranger!
Next session will involve the weeping widow in the next wagon... will the Party choose to lend a hand, possibly even part with some of the meager, hard-won GP they've decided to save until reaching Ognar?

the GNARKOTIC MANUSCRIPTS

THE IDEA: Wanted a means to generate/introduce new Spells, Monsters, PC quests/pursuits, adventure plots/subplots, add some "local color" to the new campaign world, and offer weird insights into the peculiar pursuits of the Ancients. Not a lot of specific details at this point, more like an idea generator. ("this scroll requires intensive study... get back to me next week"). I'll post details as I go.

THE THING: The Gnarkotic Manuscripts are scroll sheets of unknown, nigh-invulnerable gray metal, inscribed with the occult secrets of the Ancients. Sometimes found rolled and stored in scroll tubes, they remain flat once unrolled, and have the unusual property of clinging to any flat surface (think "post-it" note), even a plastered wall or door. Appear blank until touched by Magic-using being. Scrolls which require more than a full "page" of writing function just like a PDF file; the reader can "scroll thru the scroll" by touching/dragging lines of faintly-glowing script. There is a row of numbers & symbols (possibly a code?) across the top of each scroll... some believe the Gnarkotic Manuscripts comprise a single, incredibly vast compendium spanning the entirety of the Magic of the Ancients, while others maintain that they are more a collection of distinct works, and the number/codes are a form of indexing, as in a library. A complete archive is unknown. Note that any spells may be copied into Spellbooks and, if the Wizard is capable, made into a standard "one-shot" Scrolls, but may not be cast directly from the Manuscripts.

SCROLL CONTENT (d8)

1. "RITUAL MAGIC "; a spell which can only be cast at certain times/places/conditions for unusual effects, such as (d12)
1. The Gates of the Moons 2. The Sibilant Whispers of Hastur
3. The Invocation of the Colorless Fire 4. The Gate of Returning
5. Raising of the Black Ziggurat* 6. The Primordial Imprisonment
7. The Lamentation of the Lost 8. The Alignment of the Spheres of Xeg
9. The Crimson Cascade 10. The Banishment of Yith
11. The Avuncular Avatar of Azathoth 12. Binding of the Familiar

2. MAGIC ITEM CREATION; materials, Spells involved, etc., for any one item. Roll randomly on Magic Item tables

3 THE MASTERY OF LIFE ITSELF! arcane/alchemical instruction in the creating/breeding/manipulating/reanimating/perverting area...(d12)
1. Decantation of the Homunculi 2. The Gifts of Gnarlathotep
3. The Incubation of the Egg 4. Formulae of the Wrinkling Replica
5. Domination of the Doppelganger 6. The Aeonic Advancement
7. I am the Slime 8. The Shapes of Things to Come
9. The Gratuitous Graft 10. The Incandescent Imbuement
11. The Scales of the Serpent 12. The Internment of Invulnerability

4. "STANDARD" MISC SPELL; determ randomly at whatever level you feel appropriate, disregard any "common picks" and look for something more offbeat to add to the Wizard's Spellbook

5. SUMMONING SPELL; a specific creature for a certain purpose, or limited duration, if provided with proper appeasement (d12)
1. The Sufferance of the Shantak 2. The Eclipsing Swarm
3. The Angry Gnargoyle 4. The Putrid Eruption of Kyuss
5. Coalescence of the Congeries 6. Acquiescence of the Quasit
7. Subservience of the Shoggoth 8. Restraining Order of the Unseen Stalker
9. The Mycetic Malfeasance of MiGo 10. The Howl of the Byakhee
11. Accretion of the Algoid 12. The Solicitation of the Slaadi

6. "NEW" MISC. SPELL; from your latest blog-crawl. I don't have a table because I think 1st ed AD&D pretty much covers it, I'm rarely interested in what I come across, and I don't have much to offer in this area, either! (I'll post a few modest Ritual and Misc "New" spells next post, but here's my fave Spell Compilation, and there are some good ones here, too)

7. GLYPH or SYMBOL; the Ancients were all about magic runes and such, no doubt. I'm fond of 'em, too. General Effects:(d30)
1. Fire 7.Electricity 13. Insanity 19. Mutation 25. Weakness
2. Cold 8. XP Drain 14. Despair 20. Polymorph 26. Phasing
3. Paralysis 9. Blindness 15. Discord 21. Obsession 27. Stupidity
4. Stunning 10. Radiation 16. Rage 22. Giggles 28. Unseen Object
5. Fear 11. Slowing 17. Warding 23. Passion 29. Elder Sign
6. Cursing 12.Amnesia 18. Hypnosis 24. Suggestion 30. DM's Whim

8. LEGEND & LORE; "adventure hook" entry detailing a legendary person/place/thing, possibly incl a map or directions, clues, hints, enticements...

*see also here :)

HELLO, BOYS! I'M BAAACK!

Doesn't really have anything to do with this post

PYRAMID OF RESURRECTION Gnartian Artifact in form of smoky crystal pyramid, approx 6" along the edges, a construct of the Elder Serpent Folk.

When first handled, the PC doing so must Save vs Death once, or be drained of one XP lvl. Thereafter, the item will no longer drain that person (whether or not the attempt succeeded), and only that person may employ its power. Another may attempt to use the item once they also Save (or fail!), but only one person may command the Pyramid at any time.

Total # Charges/Uses is something I call "Level Variable"; meaning a base #, plus 1ch/lvl of the bearer. So, as charges are subtracted by one per use, they are also increased by one per lvl of XP gained. This Artifact has 1d4+XP lvl charges when first found, to be redetermined if it changes hands.(possibly it "starts over" at 1d4+lvl each time it changes hands)

Operates by "scanning" whatever scraps of the deceased (no pun intended) remain, and reconstructing a new body in perfect condition; full HP, all memories, personality, etc intact. Side effect: all Bad Mutations are removed, and any Good Mutations must ea make a save vs Spells/Mutations to be retained, any missing or ruined limbs, organs, etc are restored as well, all scars are gone

The Pyramid automatically restores any PC the first time it is used upon them, without penalty. If used a second time, a Resurrect Survival roll must be made, and each time thereafter this % is reduced by half, failure dissolves the remains into goo. Any PC resurrected more than once also loses an XP lvl each time the device is used upon them thereafter.

There is a 1in8 chance/use that the Pyramid does not Resurrect, but rather Reincarnates the deceased by creating a new, but different body, possibly from bits of other persons lying about, or floating on the breeze... maybe the "psychic residue" of a forgotten death.... I have a table of bodies for this, but its too specifically Gnartian to be much use to anyone else, and one can always use the Spell version. I think I'm going to allow them to retain Mental Ability Scores, HP, etc, because I have other trauma in mind:

Collateral Reincarnation Weirdness (d10/d12) (Gonzo version d12)
1. New body is very young; teenager, or even small child
2. PC retains all Class abilities as before, but has no other memories
3. PC's new brain seems to contain scraps of another personality, or repressed memories ("whispers")
4. Tragic mishap places PC into nearby corpse (of type as rolled), which claws to surface howling in agony, and attacks Party for their gross misdeed. Zombie PC retains HP & HD/lvl, but is otherwise slow and sloppy
5. New body exhibits Mutation(s), possibly even Good Ones! (or is oddly marked; tattoo, birthmark, runic brand)
6. PC is reincarnated into body which already has a soul/personality, and the two must share the same skull until the other personality "finishes its Gnarthly business" and moves on (seeks justice, revenge, completion, etc)
7. New body is of different gender than original
8. PC is driven a wee bit mad by the whole experience; roll on your fave table or just assign a weird mania
9, 10. Just your average reincarnation
(11, 12.) (same as 9, 10 above) or
(11, 12.) Check Out this awesome Random Reincarnator! You can adjust the circumstances with cool modifiers like "Who cares? The Crawling Chaos smiles upon me!"

The Pyramid also bears a Curse; whenever it is used, a Byakhee is Summoned and arrives w/in 2d4 rnds, and attempts to carry the user off to Hastur (dead or alive), unless slain. Perhaps this only occurs the first few times the Pyramid is used, or perhaps the Curse can be lifted... with the blood of a Serpent Folk Wizard...

...I once introduced the Rod of Reincarnation, which is exactly like the Rod of Resurrection from the DMG, but Reincarnates the deceased on either the MU spell table (75%) or the Druid version (25%), and that was fun, too. Congratulations! You're a Kobold! Badgers? We don't need no stinking Badgers!