Showing posts with label try drugs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label try drugs. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

d6 Alternates to Some Moldy Spellbook


unrelated image of gratuitous gnome violence

1. Tiny Demonic Imp Imprisoned in Ruby Flask; condemned for 1,000 yrs, but affable and talkative.  Will teach Spells if it likes you, knows one Spell each of Levels 1-6 (ones which you don’t know), will transcribe all if somehow freed early

2. Rack of Potion Vials; (#1d6+1), each contains a distilled Spell, if a Wizard has a Spell Slot free, consuming a Potion of appropriate Level will fill the slot, which may then be Cast, or transcribed, from memory

3. Massive Dino Hide Scroll, on two 3’ long golden spindles, oversized/heavy; roll  on Scroll Table until 12 Spells are determined

4. Golden-framed Mirror; image of beautiful Sorceress whispers new Spells for any who hand her jewelry through the mirror, 1,000 GP Value/Spell Level, roll 2d4 Spells available

5. Rune-carven Skull Bowl; drinking the cerebral fluid of a slain Wizard from it transfers the Spells he had memorized at death to imbiber, if these exceed Spell Slots available, frothy convulsions result for 2d6r, and only one random Spell is retained

6.  If body is painstakingly transported, and unraveled with proper anti-Mummy dust protocols in place, funereal wrapping inscribed with six Spells can be translated and transcribed

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Dr. FlimFlam's Miracle Cream




Dr. FlimFlam's Miracle Cream was obtained by Dr. Zoidberg on an interstellar trip from a sleazy travelling salesman who sold him one tube of the mysterious substance for no less than sixty dollars. The lobster doctor gave it to Fry and Leela as a cure for their sore limbs after assembling a super collider, and both of them found out that the substance caused superpowers in humans as a side-effect.

Common powers found in humans after the use of the cream are:
1.  Super strength
2.  Lickity speed
3Invulnerability
4Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures

Roll a d4 to see which power you get, it's more fun that way.  Duration as per DM, 1d4+2 applicatons/tube.

Bonus Alienese Translation: "Keep out of reach of children under the age of five hundred. For best results, sacrifice a small mammal xanroc, the apply evenly to interior of eyeball. Would you like to help Dr. Flimflam products? Contact a representative at a covered wagon near you."

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Brought to you by Prescott Pharmaceuticals



From a list of Stephen Colbert's  Prescott Pharmaceuticals Side Effects
...sponsored by Baphomet

A Good List of Bad Things, as a result of... (d8)
1. Spoiled Food
2. Xeno Plague
3. Mutation
4. Evil Curse
5. Artifact Stuff
6. Tomb Glyphs
7. Bad Drugs
8. Spores, Dude

Eighty-two Fun Effects, plus some filler to round out a d%.  Game effects as per DM
1. Abdominal Migration
2. ADHDEAD
3. An Inability to Breathe on Weekends
4. Ankle Bearding
5. Aortal Collapse
6. Arby’s Mouth
7. Argyle Pattern Baldness
8. Armpit Homunculus
9. Autonomous Nipple Syndrome
10. Bone Sporking
11. Braintooth
12. Capillary Yogurt
13. Firebones
14. DIS (Dissolving Intestine Syndrome)
15. Dry Mouth
16. Eye Curdling
17. Eyearrhea
18. Eyesplosions
19. Facial Corkboarding
20. Fallopian Tapeworm
21. Flunamis
22. Genital Migration
23. Gopherism
24. Hair Swelling
25. Hairy Uvula
26. Honey Nut Areolas
27. Hungry Hungry Hipbones
28. Increased Appetite
29. Increased Risk of Vampire Attack
30. Ingrown Testicle
31. Involuntary Blowhole
32. Involuntary Narnia Adventures
33. Knee Transference
34. Lactose Addiction
35. Late Onset Albinoism
36. Lou Ferrignose
37. Lungfire
38. Massive Weight Gain
39. Mild Hulkism
40. Mind of Mencia
41. Minor Heart Explosions
42. Monkeylung
42. Multibrow
43. Nostril Inversion
49. Outgrown Testicle
50. Permanent Blindness
51. Phantom Hand Syndrome
52. Pituitary Ferns
53. Precocious Kidney
54. Prolonged Erections*
55. Puckerlung
56. Pulmonary Weevils
57. R.E.O. Speedlung
58. Rage
59. Rectal Frosting
60. Re-Emergence of the Umbilical Cord
61. Restless Torso Syndrome
62. Rocky Mountain Oysterism
63. Runaway Gums
64. Scrotal Bassoon
65. Scruffula
66. Severe Weight Loss
67. Siamese Nipples
68. Skeletal Xylophoning
69. Speaking In Tongues
70. Spontaneous Mertail
71. Spontaneous Pregnancy
72. Steven Tyler Lip
73. Subcutaneous Funyuns
74.Testicular Cranberrying
75. Testicular Testicularization
76. Thoracic Geysers
77. Urethral Knotting
78. Vein Seizures
79. Ventricular Funk
80. Vivid Dreams of Self-Cannibalization
81. Warlock Hump
82. X-Ray Hearing
83-93. ROLL TWICE, then Save to determine whether Player or DM gets to chose one
94-98. ROLL TWICE, sucks for you
99. CHRONIC MALADY, roll again and add effect each day, until dead
00. ROLL AGAIN, Effect is Infectious, and can be transferred to another being by contact with affected area, Save Negates

* But Not Where You’d Hope

Monday, May 26, 2014

A Dozen Magic Items, Why Not?

1. Medallion of the Berserking Bear; if wearer reaches negative HP, goes into Berserk rage and attacks nearest opponent. Bonus of +2 TH, Damage, Initiative, but still loses 1 HP/rnd and immediately falls dead at -10 HP

2. Potion of Wing & a Prayer; magnificent angelic wings and halo appear, effects as per Prayer Spell, and Flight, for 1 turn + 1 rnd/lvl, 'Good' Guys only, please

3. Ogre Powder; Magic Dust which grants equivalent of 18/00 or 19 STR -whatever-  when inhaled, dur. 2d6 rnds, 1d4+2 doses/pouch, must rest for one full turn after effects wear off

4. Living Rope; a rope which can understand and obey simple verbal commands, be made to slither, climb, knot, secure, etc, is if alive, like a snake or worm.  Moves far too slowly to be used to attack or ensnare.  Rope cannot defy gravity, but can climb vertically up to one half its length.  Must consume a (normal, organic) rope of equal length 1/mo, like a king snake eating a corn snake, at a rate of 10'/hr

5. Potion of Suicide Clones; causes 1d4 mini-clones to 'bud' on the body of the imbiber, ea costs 1HP to produce.  Within 1 turn the fawning, grotesque 6" charicatures detach, and will follow simple commands until they shrivel and die after 24 hrs.  Only form of attack is to get really angry and hurl themselves onto a target and explode for 1d4 damage, which is, of course, a one-time-only kinda deal

7. Howard's Signet Ring; adorned only with the raised initials H.P.  (backwards, reversed)  One additional HD, as appropriate to system, is rolled ea day, and the result is added to HP for that day.  Simple, and dearly loved

8. Cuneiform Codex; heavy slab of basalt with twisting, animated hieroglyphs engraved upon it, committing to read it for 12hrs, uninterrupted, followed by a full rest, grants reader the ability to Read &Write any one language (or similar system) of their choice.  Learn 'Bullywug' in a Day!

9. The Green Cream; when applied to any living tissue, imparts a greenish tinge, permits photosynthetic healing, ea hr spent in sunshine Heals 1d4 HP, lasts 24hrs, 2d4 applications/crock

10. Quicksilver Capsule; appears to be a metallic jellybean, when swallowed, take 1d4 damage, and be overcome by fatigue and nausea for 1 turn, whereupon certain Spells already cast that day are restored as if they had not been expended.  The total # of Spell Levels regained is equal to XP Level.  One specific Spell of Player's choice  may be regained, the remainder are determined randomly

11. Philosopher's Rod; transmutes a quantity of metal no greater than one cubic foot into a metal of greater value, according to this progression: iron/steel<copper<silver<gold<platinum
Only affects a single item; one lock on a wooden chest, a sword, a portion of a set of standard donjon jail bars, one burial mask, etc.  Req. touch, or successful TH at +1, 3d4 charges

12. Silver Whistle; summons a Ghostly Hound, which must be fed some kind of reasonably edible meat, and will then stand watch, in one area, for up to 12 hrs.  Detects Invisible, Concealed by smell, cannot be Surprised (except possibly by Teleport or Phasic Travel) is incorporeal, cannot track or attack, but will warn of any approach or intrusion




Tuesday, October 4, 2011

The "Thank You for Coming" Potion


Whenever a new Party or Character is created, the PC(s) automatically receive a "Thank You for Coming" (random) Potion, assumed to be part of their starting/current equipment.  Gives 1st Level PCs a little boost, makes new/"replacement" PCs feel welcome, and also makes them a bit less jealous of existing members and their preexisting loot!

Friday, September 30, 2011