Sunday, December 29, 2013

Playing the GOOJ Card

An Item for the Player, not the Character.  The GOOJ card can be redeemed any time that a situation arises which would remove the Player from the game for an (extended) time, negating the spell, effect, or action which caused this result; for example: Paralysis, Sleep, perhaps even Web, or Time Stop.  In essence, any game result which would have the real-world effect of causing the Player to be effectively removed from game play can be negated by the GOOJ, subject to DM discretion.  The GOOJ does not usually negate damage, or any other game result which, while possibly detrimental, does not remove the Player from the game.  Perhaps even death can be cheated with this card; if a PC is at negative HP, could the Player redeem to negate this state... possibly being restored to a stable 1 HP?

- One-time Literal Version allows automatic Bend Bars/Pick Locks success, once only
- Community Chest Version applies to any effect/situation applying simultaneously to the entire Party, as when everyone Fails Save... basically, a 'Get Out of TPK' card
- Card of Free Action, as Ring, once only
- Rookie Card, given to a newbie Player unfamiliar with the game, or House Rules, redeemable when an unfavorable situation occurs, or undesirable course of action undertaken, as a direct result of misunderstanding or ignorance of the accepted rules.

I had one which was simply a 3x5 index card with the phrase written on it, presented to the Player with a paper clip, but it might be cool to print one of these graphics and hand it out.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Atlatl, Atlatl, Atlatl

Wasn't sure this belonged here, then realized: awesome primitive weapon, 'Mad' Scientist, pretty darn funny... too cool to not post here!  Great weapon for D&D Barbarians, Post-Apocalyptic Road Warriors, & Martian Desert Tribesmen.  Besides, it's just fun to say, "Atlatl."  Check out the vid.

...ATLATL!  : )

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Wand of Wacky Missiles, plus Wand of Wonder links

A weapon/wand which shoots forth Random Spell, Missile, Ray, or Odd Thing each time it's used.  Range 100', charges 20+1d10.  No effect may be repeated until all 20 have been randomly rolled, re-roll previously rolled effects, thereafter user may choose any desired effect, but only once -no effect will occur more than twice; once randomly, and then possibly a second time by choice (although, see entry 20; this result only 'counts' as a single use, whether random, or chosen!).  Have Player fill out a list as item is used, then check off effects which have been used twice.

1. (1d4) Classic Magic Missiles
2. Super Sleep Pellet bursts into 5' diam. gas cloud, no Save, 1 turn duration
3. Fireball, 6d6
4. Lightning Bolt, 6d6
5. One +5 Magic Arrow, roll TH 
6. Sticky 'Silly String', -1 to AC, AT, Saves until scraped off, highly flammable (dbl fire damage)
7. Live Chicken, does 1 HP damage, squawks around for 1 turn, disappears in puff of smoke
8. Oily stream of multicolored, self-applying, permanent, circus clown face paint
9. Slow Ray, 2d4 round duration
10. Cream Pie, (d4): chocolate, banana, coconut, peanut butter
11. Swarm of angry Bees, does 1d4 damage/round for 2d4 rounds, Save for half ea. round
12. (1d4) Brightly colored, neurotoxic frogs, bite/splatter on impact, Save vs Paralysis for ea.
13. Random Limb Polymorphing Ray, (d4): lobster, mantis, squid, manatee, until Dispelled
14. Corrosion Ray, all metal items on person, magic items get Save vs Disintegration
15. Black sphere rolls out, rapidly increasing in size/mass to 5'diam/500lbs, roll TH, Crushes target
16. Hypodermic needle, flesh-dissolving bacteria, Save vs Poison or lose 1HP/turn until dead/cured
17. High-Pressure stream of Water, 1d4 damage, plus thrown back 20 ft.
18. High-Velocity stream of 100 Coppers, 1-50 damage, coins are real, collectible
19. High-Temperature stream of Fire, 2d6 damage, flammables ignite
20. Three Random Rolls, in succession... try real hard to roll three 20s in a row!

 Penultimate Wand o' Wonder Effects Generator (d6)

 1.  Greater Rod of Wonder Effect Generator

 2.  DMG-A1_Wand of Wonder.pdf 

 3.  The RPGNet Wand of Wonder! [Archive] - RPGnet Forums

 4.  100 uses for the Dangerous Derv Wand of Wonder

 5.  Alacrity's Wand of Wonder - presented by the Red Dragon Inn

 6.  Tenkar's Tavern: The Tenkar's Tavern Wand of Wonder - First 63 Possible Results  

Monday, December 2, 2013

(d20) Things Adventures/Players/DMs Say

1. Got any Healing Spells left?
2. No one took Identify?
3. It's a Trap!
4. Who's opening the door?
5. I'm not going in there
6. I'm searching for Secret Doors
7. I attempt to disbelieve*
8. Dammit, dammit, dammit!
9. Can't anyone Detect Magic?
10. Try touching it
11. No way!  YOU do it!
12. Is the _______ Spell still in effect?
13. 'Twelve'... no, wait, 'Thirteen'!
14. We can't trust him
15. But... it's written on my Character Sheet!
16. Wait, where are we?
17. Can't I just DO that?
18. Someone read that Clue/Riddle/Note again
19. Hold on a sec, let me look it up... 
20. We already tried that

1. You can't possibly be carrying all that
2. You tell me... did anyone write it down?
3. (looks around gaming table)  ...Everybody Roll Initiative!
4. Are you SURE you want to do that?
5. When suddenly...
6. Well... it certainly LOOKS like _______
7. Let me see your Character Sheet for a sec...
8. It's not doing anything; it's just sitting there
9. It appears to be empty
10. No, really guys, it's empty, just move on
11.You do realize that's going to: make a lot of noise/take forever/really piss them off
12. _______ isn't flammable; you can't just dump a flask of oil on it and make it disappear
13.  Because: that's just impossible/it will ruin the story/I said so!
14. OK... describe to me exactly how you're attempting to do this
15.*sigh* ...EVERYBODY make a Saving Throw vs _______
16. Are you joking, or does your Character actually say that?
17. They're not there anymore, just some bits of chewed-up saddles and bloodstains
18. Are you keeping track of ______?
19. Hold on a sec, let me look it up... 
20. You already tried that

*don't know how this one ever got started; if there's a Save vs Illusion, I've already rolled it.  I keep telling them that, but no one listens

Friday, November 29, 2013

Considering Backstab Damage Rule Alteration

Instead of x2, x3, x4 DAMAGE, how 'bout multiplied DAMAGE DICE; for example, instead of 1d8(x2), roll 2d8... instead of 2d4(x2), roll 4d4.  Eliminates crazy lucky high rolls, but guarantees a more effective attack on average, 'cause you know that after all those rounds spent sneaking around and creeping up, you're gonna roll a damned '1' for damage!  Think I'll let players choose which option they prefer... feeling lucky, punk?

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

(d12) Looking into the Magic Mirror

Altered Reflection Seen, Effect
1. Cleaned Up, +1 CHAR
2. Beaten with Ugly Stick, -1 CHAR
3. No Face, 24 hrs
4. Face of last opponent slain, 1d4 days
5. Big grin, 24 hr smile is disconcerting, renders immune to any other emotional state
6. Instant Facial Hair, (d4): handlebar 'stache, ZZ Top beard, Zappa soul patch, evil twin black goatee, immediately re-grows if cut, until Dispelled
7. Something creeping up behind, this thing does just that w/in 1d6 days, automatic Surprise
8. Partially Invisible, appear as (d4): skinless, circulatory/nervous system only, skeleton, eyeless face (side effect: see Invisible), 1d4 days
9. Blurry, Displaced 24 hrs
10. Medusa Morph, Save or be stone unto you, if Save, gain ability to assume Medusa face for 1 round, once only
11. No Reflection, never casts one again, Immune to Scrying
12. Near-Infinite Reflections, view self looking into a mirror, viewing self looking into a mirror, viewing self looking into a mirror... transfixed until forcibly removed, whereupon 1d4 Mirror Images emerge, following until struck as per Spell

Friday, November 22, 2013

This is The Pact

To Defend, this is The Pact
But when Life is scorned, and damage done
To Avenge
This is The Pact

Thinking this is about the most elegant way to phrase the credo for a Paladin-type, from one of my least favorite songs by one of my most favorite bands.  Check out the tune that wasn't featured in the classic animated film, Heavy Metal (1981), dubbed over the appropriate scenes by another fan; a pretty good job of editing!

Thursday, November 21, 2013

'Dorkness Rising' Full Movie on You Tube

If you haven't already seen it, you def. should!  Just discovered the full movie is on YouTube.
Be sure to check out other projects from Dead Gentlemen and Epic Level Productions!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Gonzo Fighter-Type Names, MST3K Style

Copied/Pasted this list of Uber-Macho Fighter names, suitable(?) for NPCs, Henchmen, even your next PC, and made a Random Table of it.  View the MST3K clip here.
  1. Slab Bulkhead *       
  2. Fridge Largemeat * 
  3. Punt Speedchunk * 
  4. Butch Deadlift * 
  5. Bold Bigflank * 
  6. Splint Chesthair * 
  7. Flint Ironstag * 
  8. Bolt Vanderhuge * 
  9. Thick McRunfast * 
  10. Blast Hardcheese * 
  11. Buff Drinklots * 
  12. Crunch Slamchest * 
  13. Fist Rockbone * 
  14. Stump Beefknob *
  15. Smash Lampjaw * 
  16. Punch Rockgroin * 
  17. Buck Plankchest *
  18. Stump Junkman * 
  19. Dirk Hardpec * 
  20. Rip Steakface * 
  21. Slate Slabrock * 
  22. Crud Bonemeal * 
  23. Brick Hardmeat * 
  24. Rip Slagcheek * 
  25. Punch Sideiron * 
  26. Gristle McThornbody *
  27. Slate Fistcrunch * 
  28. Buff Hardback * 
  29. Bob Johnson (oh, wait…) * 
  30. Blast Thickneck * 
  31. Crunch Buttsteak * 
  32. Slab Squatthrust * 
  33. Lump Beefbroth * 
  34. Touch Rustrod * 
  35. Beef Blastbody * 
  36. Big McLargehuge * 
  37. Smoke Manmuscle * 
  38. Beat Punchmeat * 
  39. Hack Blowfist * 
  40. Roll Fizzlebeef *
  41. Ragnar Rokbottom 
  42. Leif Longbottom
  43. Leif Garrotte
  44. Danger D. Danger
  45. Tank Blackmoor
  46. Stiff Polearm
  47. Flabby Thunderbuns
  48. Thorvald McMaynerberry
  49. Bjorn Redeye
  50. Goliath Oakennutts
For easier Random Rolling, I rounded out the list to an even 50 entries,  adding #s 41-49 in an apparently Viking-influenced fit of giggling free association.  Entry #50 was the name of a favorite Character of mine, one of the last of the Clan of Chainsmoking Dwarves, sadly departed, and undoubtedly hollering his signature catchphrase, "Heapin' Gobs of it, Laddie!" on the entrail-strewn battlefields of Valhalla.  We hardly knew ye, Goliath.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

The Triumphant Return of Bananabis Foster

On a quest to recover missing comrades, through a series of Underdark dungeons linked by interdimensional gateways, my dreddy point man B. Foster had a string of bad times.  He triggered most of the traps, which is kind of his job, but then got rapidly aged by a disturbed Ghost, and became a frail old man.  A wish-granting chamber in one of the dungeons turned out to be powered by some Satanic agency, and a Wish to "Return him to his earlier age" succeeded all too well, reducing him to an even more frail infant!  With no other recourse (one-way Gates; no return), the Party was forced to surrender him to the care of the only 'friend' they had in the place, Flynn the Flind, leader of a pack of Underdark Gnolls, and hope for either a return at a later date, or a happy second childhood for Foster, being raised by Gnolls deep underground.  For a few sessions I played Dolph, a secondary PC belonging to another Player, eventually reaching the next Gateway, which -as these things go- happened to return the Party to the Gnoll Caves, wondrously -as these things go- twenty years further in time from their last visit (though seemingly only a few weeks later), and who should they meet but Flynn, now a bit grey in the muzzle, bearing tales of raising infant Foster as a member of the pack, until he reached manhood!  Apparently, Foster had received a dream vision of a a Cursed City, suspended somehow over a great abyss, and had been compelled to seek it out, and,  along with a small group of Gnolls, he had recently departed to do so...  Pressing on, the Party was later ambushed by a pack of Gnolls, and -as these things go- who should be leading them, but a dreadhead human with a (somewhat) familiar face, yes, Bananabis himself, bereft of his former memories (but returned to his younger statistics, and now fluent in Gnoll speech!).  Having been informed of his prior life and comrades by his Flind stepdad, recognitions were made, the attack was halted before the Party slew the remaining Gnolls, and a weird reunion was held in the bioluminescent lichen-lit transit corridors of the Underdark.  Foster demanded return of some of his former equipment in recompense for his slain Gnoll pals, and then related his tales...  Seems -as these things go- that he and his Gnolls had discovered, through raiding Drow caravans, that the Gateway the Party was seeking was located in the Cursed City which he himself was seeking, and so the Party was again in the company of their former adventuring comrade (more or less), as well his squad of Hench-Gnolls!  Together they trekked to the partially ruined Cursed City, to find the entry guarded by a band of enterprising Drow, who attempted to solicit an entry fee -and purchase the Gnolls!- but the Party was in no mood to bargain, and combat wass joined, soon ending in the slaughter and looting of the Drow, and the Adventure continues, continuity restored, more or less... as these things go.

Look out, Bananabis is back, and this time... it's Person-Gnoll!

Daddy's Home!

Not for Sale.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Firing Missile Weapons into Melee Combat

For situations in which a monster is engaged in melee with Party Member(s)/Friendly Force(s), and an attempt is made to fire a missile weapon at the Foe, roll a d6, and if the number rolled is = or < than the number of friendly combatants, then the attack is rolled against the friend, not the Foe.

For example, if one fighter is engaged with a monster, there is a 1 in 6 chance that the chaos of combat has caused the fighter to be in the path of the missile.  If there are two party members attacking a monster, there is a 1/3 (2 in 6) chance of someone friendly being accidentally targeted. 

Assumes a max. of four PCs per roughly man-sized opponent (completely surrounded).  For larger monsters, assign a greater value to the creature; an Ogre might be worth two man-sized slots, a Giant could possibly be 3, 4, or 5 times the size of a man.  If the total # of effective combatants exceeds 6, use a d8, if 8 or more are involved, use a d10, etc. 

Further example: Four PCs surround and attack a Giant which is roughly 4x the size of a man.  Total effective combatants equals 8 (4+4).  Roll d10, results of 1-4 means a PC is accidentally targeted, while results of 5-10 allows the attack to be made on the intended target.

For exceptionally large creatures, I usually allow missile fire into melee w/o penalty.  If the fighters have opted for (or better, been maneuvered into!) a questionable full-frontal assault on a T-Rex, I assume the archer hanging back shifts fire about 20' or so, and tries to plug the beast in its massive arse.  (If I thought of it, I'd ask, "Where, exactly are you shooting it?" and if the Player said, "Ass end," I might decide that a dino might be spooked by the surprise butt-slap -Morale/Reaction Check- and instead of attacking normally, he might stampede off, forcing a Save or Initiative Check to avoid a trampling!)

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Summertime Hiatus Random Table of Inspiring (?) Images  (d30)


an Image search of any of these should provide wallpaper size