Showing posts with label try drugs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label try drugs. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Dr. FlimFlam's Miracle Cream




Dr. FlimFlam's Miracle Cream was obtained by Dr. Zoidberg on an interstellar trip from a sleazy travelling salesman who sold him one tube of the mysterious substance for no less than sixty dollars. The lobster doctor gave it to Fry and Leela as a cure for their sore limbs after assembling a super collider, and both of them found out that the substance caused superpowers in humans as a side-effect.

Common powers found in humans after the use of the cream are:
1.  Super strength
2.  Lickity speed
3Invulnerability
4Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures

Roll a d4 to see which power you get, it's more fun that way.  Duration as per DM, 1d4+2 applicatons/tube.

Bonus Alienese Translation: "Keep out of reach of children under the age of five hundred. For best results, sacrifice a small mammal xanroc, the apply evenly to interior of eyeball. Would you like to help Dr. Flimflam products? Contact a representative at a covered wagon near you."

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Brought to you by Prescott Pharmaceuticals



From a list of Stephen Colbert's  Prescott Pharmaceuticals Side Effects
...sponsored by Baphomet

A Good List of Bad Things, as a result of... (d8)
1. Spoiled Food
2. Xeno Plague
3. Mutation
4. Evil Curse
5. Artifact Stuff
6. Tomb Glyphs
7. Bad Drugs
8. Spores, Dude

Eighty-two Fun Effects, plus some filler to round out a d%.  Game effects as per DM
1. Abdominal Migration
2. ADHDEAD
3. An Inability to Breathe on Weekends
4. Ankle Bearding
5. Aortal Collapse
6. Arby’s Mouth
7. Argyle Pattern Baldness
8. Armpit Homunculus
9. Autonomous Nipple Syndrome
10. Bone Sporking
11. Braintooth
12. Capillary Yogurt
13. Firebones
14. DIS (Dissolving Intestine Syndrome)
15. Dry Mouth
16. Eye Curdling
17. Eyearrhea
18. Eyesplosions
19. Facial Corkboarding
20. Fallopian Tapeworm
21. Flunamis
22. Genital Migration
23. Gopherism
24. Hair Swelling
25. Hairy Uvula
26. Honey Nut Areolas
27. Hungry Hungry Hipbones
28. Increased Appetite
29. Increased Risk of Vampire Attack
30. Ingrown Testicle
31. Involuntary Blowhole
32. Involuntary Narnia Adventures
33. Knee Transference
34. Lactose Addiction
35. Late Onset Albinoism
36. Lou Ferrignose
37. Lungfire
38. Massive Weight Gain
39. Mild Hulkism
40. Mind of Mencia
41. Minor Heart Explosions
42. Monkeylung
42. Multibrow
43. Nostril Inversion
49. Outgrown Testicle
50. Permanent Blindness
51. Phantom Hand Syndrome
52. Pituitary Ferns
53. Precocious Kidney
54. Prolonged Erections*
55. Puckerlung
56. Pulmonary Weevils
57. R.E.O. Speedlung
58. Rage
59. Rectal Frosting
60. Re-Emergence of the Umbilical Cord
61. Restless Torso Syndrome
62. Rocky Mountain Oysterism
63. Runaway Gums
64. Scrotal Bassoon
65. Scruffula
66. Severe Weight Loss
67. Siamese Nipples
68. Skeletal Xylophoning
69. Speaking In Tongues
70. Spontaneous Mertail
71. Spontaneous Pregnancy
72. Steven Tyler Lip
73. Subcutaneous Funyuns
74.Testicular Cranberrying
75. Testicular Testicularization
76. Thoracic Geysers
77. Urethral Knotting
78. Vein Seizures
79. Ventricular Funk
80. Vivid Dreams of Self-Cannibalization
81. Warlock Hump
82. X-Ray Hearing
83-93. ROLL TWICE, then Save to determine whether Player or DM gets to chose one
94-98. ROLL TWICE, sucks for you
99. CHRONIC MALADY, roll again and add effect each day, until dead
00. ROLL AGAIN, Effect is Infectious, and can be transferred to another being by contact with affected area, Save Negates

* But Not Where You’d Hope

Monday, May 26, 2014

A Dozen Magic Items, Why Not?

1. Medallion of the Berserking Bear; if wearer reaches negative HP, goes into Berserk rage and attacks nearest opponent. Bonus of +2 TH, Damage, Initiative, but still loses 1 HP/rnd and immediately falls dead at -10 HP

2. Potion of Wing & a Prayer; magnificent angelic wings and halo appear, effects as per Prayer Spell, and Flight, for 1 turn + 1 rnd/lvl, 'Good' Guys only, please

3. Ogre Powder; Magic Dust which grants equivalent of 18/00 or 19 STR -whatever-  when inhaled, dur. 2d6 rnds, 1d4+2 doses/pouch, must rest for one full turn after effects wear off

4. Living Rope; a rope which can understand and obey simple verbal commands, be made to slither, climb, knot, secure, etc, is if alive, like a snake or worm.  Moves far too slowly to be used to attack or ensnare.  Rope cannot defy gravity, but can climb vertically up to one half its length.  Must consume a (normal, organic) rope of equal length 1/mo, like a king snake eating a corn snake, at a rate of 10'/hr

5. Potion of Suicide Clones; causes 1d4 mini-clones to 'bud' on the body of the imbiber, ea costs 1HP to produce.  Within 1 turn the fawning, grotesque 6" charicatures detach, and will follow simple commands until they shrivel and die after 24 hrs.  Only form of attack is to get really angry and hurl themselves onto a target and explode for 1d4 damage, which is, of course, a one-time-only kinda deal

7. Howard's Signet Ring; adorned only with the raised initials H.P.  (backwards, reversed)  One additional HD, as appropriate to system, is rolled ea day, and the result is added to HP for that day.  Simple, and dearly loved

8. Cuneiform Codex; heavy slab of basalt with twisting, animated hieroglyphs engraved upon it, committing to read it for 12hrs, uninterrupted, followed by a full rest, grants reader the ability to Read &Write any one language (or similar system) of their choice.  Learn 'Bullywug' in a Day!

9. The Green Cream; when applied to any living tissue, imparts a greenish tinge, permits photosynthetic healing, ea hr spent in sunshine Heals 1d4 HP, lasts 24hrs, 2d4 applications/crock

10. Quicksilver Capsule; appears to be a metallic jellybean, when swallowed, take 1d4 damage, and be overcome by fatigue and nausea for 1 turn, whereupon certain Spells already cast that day are restored as if they had not been expended.  The total # of Spell Levels regained is equal to XP Level.  One specific Spell of Player's choice  may be regained, the remainder are determined randomly

11. Philosopher's Rod; transmutes a quantity of metal no greater than one cubic foot into a metal of greater value, according to this progression: iron/steel<copper<silver<gold<platinum
Only affects a single item; one lock on a wooden chest, a sword, a portion of a set of standard donjon jail bars, one burial mask, etc.  Req. touch, or successful TH at +1, 3d4 charges

12. Silver Whistle; summons a Ghostly Hound, which must be fed some kind of reasonably edible meat, and will then stand watch, in one area, for up to 12 hrs.  Detects Invisible, Concealed by smell, cannot be Surprised (except possibly by Teleport or Phasic Travel) is incorporeal, cannot track or attack, but will warn of any approach or intrusion




Tuesday, October 4, 2011

The "Thank You for Coming" Potion


Whenever a new Party or Character is created, the PC(s) automatically receive a "Thank You for Coming" (random) Potion, assumed to be part of their starting/current equipment.  Gives 1st Level PCs a little boost, makes new/"replacement" PCs feel welcome, and also makes them a bit less jealous of existing members and their preexisting loot!

Friday, September 30, 2011

The Taverns of Gnarth



Odd Houserule: XP is awarded only when the Party enters a tavern and orders a drink. I have no idea who among our group first came up with this, or why, but we've been doing it for many years.

In order to identify their establishments to a largely illiterate populace, the taverns of Gnarth typically display a colorfully painted image or distinctive item above or near the entrance.

  1. Barking Chicken there's a chain of these. no one knows what it means
  2. Horny Toad when you aren't picky, you just wanna get laid
  3. Iron Spike great place to advertise for/hire henchlings
  4. Funky Monkey chimps entertain the clientele for tips
  5. Grinning Golem those causing a ruckus will most definitely be bounced
  6. Plunging Piercer natural cavern, 100' below street lvl
  7. Goblin's Gizzard drinks are OK, but don't order food
  8. Dragon's Flagon 1CP drafts during full moon
  9. Roast Beast locals recommend the mystery meat, but it's all about the gravy
  10. Random Encounter pick-up bar
  11. Purring Puss "exotic" live act is a cat doing tricks onstage
  12. Cloven Hoof there's something in the basement
  13. Old Wheel built around a massive metal cog sunken in the earth
  14. Clanking Tankard dbl freebie for the Party; someone buys drinks and supplies info
  15. Silver Shortsword lycanthropes!
  16. Albino Rhino it's head is mounted above the bar, speaks in riddles
  17. Double Zero bartender is Psionic, reads minds, etc.
  18. Golden Grail fops and dandies
  19. Half Pint wee folk; Halfings, 1/4lings, fingerlings
  20. Busted Nut drifters, ne'er-do-wells
  21. Shitty Griffon panders to the very wealthy, who refer to it as "The Griffon"
  22. Smoking Bowl damn hippies, all-porridge menu
  23. Arguing Ettin Giant-class bartender dispenses two forms of conflicting advice
  24. Lucky Charm dude, that bartender's a leprechaun
  25. Salted Slug scary restrooms, smelly buggers
  26. Bob's Dungeon he's retired, now, but has plenty of tales of his adventuring days
  27. Eunuch's Balls chance reunion with old NPC friend
  28. Bottomless Pit it's where the customers go, 'cause sometimes ya just gotta go
  29. Leo's Tiny Hut bigger on the inside
  30. Tater Shack best fried taters & cheese in the park
  31. Troll Hole ya gotta pay the Troll toll
  32. Great Helm lot's o Fighters
  33. Randy Andy's 10' Pole strip joint/titty bar
  34. Blinking Dog blind proprietor's dog makes change
  35. Blue Moon on tap, and that one guy looks familiar
  36. Alchemy Jug extensive variety, pricey
  37. Glassy Gnoll no one's sure what they saw
  38. Chainsmoking Dwarf hazy cigar bar, must be accompanied by Dwarf
  39. Headsman's Axe gets raided by The Man the one night you decide to stop in
  40. Seventh Heaven champagne suite available
  41. Friend o' the Devil rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints
  42. Doppleganger Hangar meet someone you share many characteristics with
  43. Rot Grub Pub cheap eats, good pie
  44. Treant & Termite gourmet viands, weird potted plants
  45. Horn o' Plenty family-style buffet, somehow significant tapestries
  46. Slammin' Hammer finest Dwarven porter, my friends
  47. Cleric's Codpiece hangout of students , sages, scholars
  48. Flying Pig unbelievable daily happy hour specials
  49. Skunked Monk loquacious sage talks forever
  50. Three Dart Inn favored by the local Wizards dart league
  51. Sundered Shield veterans of a thousand psychic wars
  52. Fourth Wall performers, artists
  53. Centaur's Stall straw everywhere, no barstools
  54. Bard Rock Cafe worth the cover charge
  55. Cloak & Dagger when you need some guy... to do this thing...
  56. Roaring Borealis massive bar fight
  57. Stumbling Satyr a case of mistaken identity leads to madcap hijinks
  58. Caryatid Column entire establishment randomly teleports between two locations
  59. Legion Hall ya gotta know a member
  60. Vomiting Vrock notable absence of nobility and civility
  61. Penitent Paladin the 'confessional' is really a glory hole booth
  62. Temperance's Teat topless
  63. Thirsty Thyrsus bartender has excellent connections, will hook ya up for a price
  64. Bacchus Brewery tall tales and extensive tabs
  65. Secret Door it's hard to leave when you can't find the door
  66. Screamin' Demon 25% chance your date is a Succubus
  67. Bent Bar armwrestling bartender likes to gamble
  68. Ole Dirtye Bastarde bawdy playhouse
  69. Kane's Roadhouse houseband plays from behind portcullis
  70. Angry Ankheg they're really pushing the Ankheg theme, and it isn't working
  71. Flayed Brain do not order a cocktail
  72. Milking Maid massages in back, happy endings
  73. Odd's Blood the wine makes you blind in one eye and adds +1 WIS for 24 hrs
  74. Jack's Potion Flask if anyone asks, you don't know Jack
  75. Crock o' Doom crazed drunkard spouts of ill omens and dire prophecy
  76. Crummy Beard only the bearded may enter. false beards, breadsticks on request
  77. Unseen Servant impeccable invisible waitstaff
  78. Wanton Wench pickpocketing doxies
  79. Three Toed Sloth bartender is unusually SLOW, and missing two fingers
  80. Burning Bush flophouse of ill repute
  81. Keoghtom's Keg proprietor sells a esoteric powder which cure hangovers
  82. Ten GP Gem big with the locals
  83. Dreaddy Yeti mellow and cool
  84. Second Level lies below the local burial crypts
  85. Gnarly Harley's biker bar favored by itinerant mercenaries
  86. Rusty Mail off-duty City Guard
  87. Beholder's Eye someone is watching you
  88. Heady Horseman blow the head off a frothy one!
  89. Otyugh's Mug located next to pile of refuse, smells funny
  90. Crystal Pistol there is a possibility of Alien abduction from the restrooms
  91. Pirate's Parrot obnoxious speaking bird spouts insults, nonsense, clues
  92. Pan's Pipe flute band will stop if paid in cash or drinks
  93. Flaming Moe's also a pick-up bar
  94. Freaky Tiki firedancers
  95. Last Gasp patronized largely by the mummification/internment industry
  96. High Five bartender incessantly requests he be "fived" for this or that
  97. Treasure Chest Oktoberfest meets Hooters
  98. Wishing Well there is one in the center...
  99. Blotto Grotto all-night rave bar
  100. DM's Choice