From The Infosphere:
Dr. FlimFlam's Miracle Cream was obtained by Dr. Zoidberg on an interstellar trip from a sleazy travelling salesman who sold him one tube of the mysterious substance for no less than sixty dollars. The lobster doctor gave it to Fry and Leela as a cure for their sore limbs after assembling a super collider, and both of them found out that the substance caused superpowers in humans as a side-effect.
Common powers found in humans after the use of the cream are:
1. Super strength
2. Lickity speed
4. Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures
Roll a d4 to see which power you get, it's more fun that way. Duration as per DM, 1d4+2 applicatons/tube.
Bonus Alienese Translation: "Keep out of reach of children under the age of five hundred. For best results, sacrifice a small mammal xanroc, the apply evenly to interior of eyeball. Would you like to help Dr. Flimflam products? Contact a representative at a covered wagon near you."